Friday, February 24, 2012

Seriously, I need to stop browsing OKStupid. It's making me feel irrationally doomed about my place in the area of love. I *am* actually worth responding to and not totally repulsive, right? I'll just keep doing that exercise where I repeat awesome things about myself in my head and believe them.
It doesn't help that I'm really, really thoroughly uncomfortable with trying to fit into the 'male' perspective of dating. I'm much more comfortable being one of those attracting attention rather than attempting to take part in the competition for those women who probably get lopsidedly contacted way more. And I dunno - my messages I've sent and that were ignored were heavily focused on engaging in music dork/humorous misfit talk, and I'm having a really hard time figuring out where I failed in trying to come off as an interesting person in general with them. At this point I would just love any kind of response!

It feels so much like a job search or an overcrowded party where breaking the ice with anyone is really hard and you want to leave, yet you're staying in the event something interesting might happen. You could also add taking a test in school where everyone is scrutinizing your answers - I'm starting to think that if the site existed back when my parents were dating and they met that way, I wouldn't exist right now, either! 

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