Friday, October 28, 2016


A procrastinator tells a tale
Of a time when all he wanted was sleep all day
And he lays around just knowing he's not okay, his mind's away
All he's structured for is watching TV
Shows like Game Of Thrones, Daredevil and House to see
BoJack Horseman, Parks And Rec and Six Feet Under and South Park

CHORUS:
Why, why??? Can I never fill in my time
I would kill for an answer
I... I... should be using Buddhify and doing more exercise
I'll waste my life and die... in space
My face retains the creepy old green mask it wore

A dusty table, toilet smells
CD's sitting there discarded on spinning shelves
And there's only french toast, bagels and hamburgers and not much else
No guests come over, no one's left their mark
I'm alone in here, now only the ants hold sway
And the introvert finds out that he's not okay, the only way...

REPEAT CHORUS

Monday, October 24, 2016

Relistening to the Lou Reed and Metallica collaboration from 5 years ago, it's even more horrifically awful than I remembered. It's an album I really want to like to go against the metal community who have overly rigid ideas of how albums should sound, and I will defend Load, Reload and a hypothetical St. Anger where the song lengths were cut in half as good, but not this one. Uninspired not even B-side worthy monotonous backing tracks + old man speaking "shocking" sexual lyrics = what may be the worst album I still own on CD.


I think the only half decent song on there is “Iced Honey”. “The View” is kind of amusing in a train wreck way at first with the 'I am the table..' thing but wears thin over repeated listens. Maybe if Grandpa had actually bothered to SING instead of TALK and Metallica themselves had made any effort to vary their backing even a bit...

Saturday, October 22, 2016

Good job, Cubs. You not only managed to make it to the World Series for the first time since 1945, but also did it efficiently enough to end a playoff game before 11 Eastern time on a night before I'm going into work an hour early.

Monday, October 17, 2016

Maybe I'll come back to it later and I'm possibly just not in the mood for it, but I quit on the new Luke Cage show about 20 minutes into the second episode since it was really boring me. Who knows, I could be biased against it since I'm guessing it's the reason Jessica Jones season 2 got pushed back In any case, for now I'd rather replace it in my show cycle with Six Feet Under since I need my Michael C. Hall fix after finishing Dexter a few months ago and my therapist thinks I'll love it.

The fact that America's "A Horse With No Name" might as well be called "We Sold More Records Than Neil Young By Ripping Him Off" is more common knowledge among music dorks, but I also noticed Pearl Jam's "Immortality" is like the 90's grunge version of it with different lyrics, and The Clash's "One More Time" is like the 80's reggae version.

Sunday, October 16, 2016

It's not Thursday, but here's a "throwback" open mic / spy machine post:

Big Brother is still watching over you all, nearly 9 years later.

This was a Facebook post during my "Edirol anthology compiling hermit" period on December 4, 2012, when I finished compiling a 46 CD "boxed set" of what my recorder captured in 2008. Lots of open mic material, conversation banter and retarded half-songs. I've since compiled... umm... almost 300 more discs because I have entirely too much time on my hands. I definitely need to write a book or 12 from my "fly on the wall" perspective, and more overall posts about (as well as sound file excerpts from) my "spy machine". But for now, here's a bit of the Facebook commentary that ensued from this announcement:

JASON KUHN (aka SPACEY RAYGUN): holy shit

BILLY KEKEVIAN (aka I AM NOT THE UNIVERSE): oh. my. gawd. I don't know if I was playing the Fire in 08. I think I might have come in there very late in 08, probably more like late 09

ME: Nope, no I Am Not The Universe at The Fire in 08. If it was late 09, it would had to have been no later than October since The Fire was shut down the last two months.

BILLY KEKEVIAN: Oh, right, than even later than that.

JASON KUHN: i'm surprised there is an absence of many songs that i would expect to have played. burial clothes and isle of the linden trees come to mind... i guess i retired those back then.

ME: "Burial Clothes", "You Might Not Say" and "Isle Of The Linden Trees" I think were played maybe twice each at most the whole year, and I wanted to use versions of those featuring Steve. I generally tried picking one song at a time for each open mic from the regulars, unless there was more than one rarely played/exclusive song in the set, so there wouldn't be an overload of frequent songs used up right away. Those three I definitely think will be on 2009 when I get around to it though. Also, I think this was your "girlfriend" period as well, so you were absent entirely from many open mics. :)

JASON KUHN: haha, yeah i suppose i wasn't much of a "wesley whiner" then.

STEVE QUARANTA: what was I playing in '08??? also, this is ALL I want for Christmas!

ME: Steve Quaranta performances: I'm On Fire / Vegas In Autumn, Mafia Husband In Tow, Mommy May I, Terrapin, Telephone, Lots Of Chester, Starman, Sauce Party Hat, Claxxon's Lament, Vodka And Bottletops, Radio Cure, On Front Street Walk, Upward Mobility, Geronimus, Holy Rolls And Breakfast Bowls, Light On The Sailor, Henry Lee, Sing! Captain, Last Train To Satansville, Moonlight Reflects, 100%, Drain You, Sinking, Fallen Angel, Night Of The Vampires / Bela Lugosi's Dead, Ballet School Dropout, Saturday Night, Paranoid, Psycho Killer, The Fat Lady Of Limbourg, Please Excuse Me, and When The River Meets The Sea. I could have included "Chinatown" to end the last disc but it was still in unfinished / sloppy form at that point.

STEVE QUARANTA: WOW!!! I played Paranoid?

ME: With an extra verse from another song added to boot! "Boys Don't Cry", I think it was.

STEVE QUARANTA: I have NO memory of that!

MIKE SCHMIDT (as J. KILLINGTON STOWE III): Any me in there? Me.

JASON KUHN: "pay attention to me now. also brian, but mostly me."

ME: Mike Schmidt performances: whatever that 'I'm gonna save a little place for you in my imagination' song is called, You've Got To Hide Your Love Away, Roll In My Sweet Baby's Arms, The Weight, whatever that 'pieces of a new day, thinking that I might stay' song's called, 1993, Totally Sweet iPod, Me And My Guitar, Brand New Friend, tribute song to Shane Gooding, This Is The Single, Shav Yr Fro, some really long breakup song that you claimed was going to be the closer to an album, Totally Rockin' Summer, Kristin (The Laguna Beach Dream Song), Alone Nights, Mohammed's Radio, To Canaan's Land I'm On My Way, Alison, Into The Mystery, Back On The Chain Gang, Legend Of Love, Gold Soundz, Learn To Live My Life Without You, Lost Cause, some 'quiet guitar song', Wolverine, If I Lose, It's Only A Paper Moon, Unchained Melody, Waltzing's For Dreamers, Don't Dream It's Over, All I Want, Good, Friday I'm In Love, Corrina Corrina, Handle With Care, The Killing Moon, Romeo And Juliet, Ripple, Hysteria, Red Shoes, My Old School, Return Of The Grievous Angel, Only You, Armageddon It, a couple other breakup songs(?) that I labeled Lazy Melody Lazy Afternoon and Close The Door. Also, a lot of fucking good banter. Oh yeah, and Schmigarry performances: Bad Attitude, Mystical Bluegrass, Fuckbuddies, Handcuffed Latinos, Passionate 70's Blowjob / Schmigarry Mazda. 

MIKE SCHMIDT: Wow, thanks Nick! A bunch of those songs I had completely forgotten the existence of, and/or would have no idea how to ever play again. I would really love to get a copy of some of that stuff, if possible.

JASON KUHN: the boxed set is 61.3 hours of scarecrow dedicating his complaints about the NJ health system to "silver" and thomas jefferson.

ME: According to my Winamp, its' total time is 58 hours, 26 minutes and 7 seconds. Sadly, there are only two Scott Norman appearances. If I wanted even *less* of a life than I do now, I'd request 2005-07 recordings from you for more Scott. ;)  Nevertheless, these two quotes are priceless:"It was about as psychological as a broken arm. And believe me, some of the mental health professionals I encountered, I *should* have broken their arm." "I recently recontacted an individual on the internet. They kinda don't want to admit they're that person. I guess if you were the great love of my life, you wouldn't want to admit it either."

JASON KUHN: i assumed all 46 CDs would be crammed with 80 minutes of Jason Jensen saying "thebrakelights.com"

CASEY BRENNAN: One time I took a neurological drug that made me feel very gassy while lying in a field with my three communist friends Jacob silvers, Edith harts grove and an irish girl I will dedicate this next song too...

JASON JENSEN: Pretty sure you could make a 46-CD box set of us all covering "Into Your Arms" on 90's night, too.

Wednesday, October 12, 2016

Mr. Green Vs. Blue Oyster Cult



Mr. Green at 'tine idol's wedding in June 2014 and at a block party in May 2013.

So I just realized today while listening to Blue Oyster Cult's Agents Of Fortune that my piano part in the instrumental "fight section" of Nark And Canen's "Mr. White" (a collaboration with Casey Brennan) rips off the midsection riff of terror from "(Don't Fear) The Reaper" and immediately imagined myself in court being sued by BOC band members with my lawyer Dan The Serious Businessman trying to defend against the similarities while I'm in character as the creepy Mr. Green. I also imagined myself being mocked for my opinions on their catalog, like how I think Secret Treaties is possibly their weakest album of the 70's and putting down fan favorite "Joan Crawford" while liking blatantly campy, boneheaded or corny songs like "Goin' Through The Motions" and the totally self-parodic "The Marshall Plan". Also copying Brian Burks' hilariously wrong (though possibly jokey) observation that "Morning Final" was about a final exam (LOL) is pretty inexcusable too. I'd think their lawyers might also make fun of Mr. White's declaration in the song that the winner of the battle has to buy the other guy a stick of bubble gum.

Here's Dan with his side by side comparison. "Ours goes... and theirs goes..."

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Can I play MLB commissioner for a bit?

[flashback to the bottom of the 8th inning in game 3 of the Cubs / Giants NLDS:]

...and the Giants continue to be the most annoying team ever. The Cubs will probably lose this series. I thought for a second that the Phillies had Conor Gillaspie (aka the "we had him" syndrome whenever an ex-Phillies player does something great for another team) at one point, but maybe I was mixing him up with some other terrible hitter that cae from the White Sox. That 2013 season is a bit of a blur.

[currently watching game 4 of the Nationals / Dodgers NLDS in the background:]

Meh. The Dodgers aren't that much better. But in my world an annoying barely above average team like the Giants that just gets hot at the right time especially would never get near the playoffs. I know it would never happen, but in my ideal world I'd rather see the playoffs be the top 2 teams in each league. Maybe even get rid of divisions entirely. This year have it Cubs / Nationals and Indians / Rangers right away. Why even have a freaking 162 game season otherwise? Sorry, I'm just tired of these inferior wild cards.

I also think when making each league equally 15 teams for realignment purposes, I would have sent the Diamondbacks to the American League West rather than the Astros. The Astros had a good 36 years more history as an National League team than the Diamondbacks did, and having both Texas teams in the AL West just doesn't seem right. The Rockies could have been another contender to be switched, but maybe Coors Field being an AL city with the designated hitter would be a bit too extreme. Of course, if I were in charge, the designated hitter wouldn't exist either, so there's that, too.

Also, if MLB ever goes to 32 teams rather than 30 when adding two more, I fear that they would switch to 4 divisions in each league rather than 2, which would allow for the possibility of even worse parity and far superior teams to division winners unfairly thrown into wild card games. Here's how I would realign things in the two division format if you have to add 2 more teams (maybe in Memphis or Montreal or something?):

AL East: Blue Jays, Indians, Orioles, Rays, Red Sox, Tigers, Yankees, New Team #1.
AL West: Angels, Athletics, Diamondbacks, Mariners, Rangers, Royals, Twins, White Sox.
NL East: Braves, Marlins, Mets, Nationals, Pirates, Phillies, Reds, New Team #2.
NL West: Astros, Brewers, Cardinals, Cubs, Dodgers, Giants, Rockies, Padres.

I guess I would grudgingly allow for two wild cards in each league but make the first round best of 7 and have the regular season go 154 games instead. Besides getting rid of the DH, I would also eliminate that rule where a starting pitcher has to go 5 innings to get a win, eliminate that idiotic "home field advantage" in the All Star Game, make it an umpire's discretion if it's blatantly obvious a runner would have scored on a ground rule double, get rid of the horrible "home plate collision" rule, make it a rule that a pitcher has to face at least two batters unless he's injured, let Pete Rose and Joe Jackson be Hall Of Fame eligible and get rid of the 10 player limit on ballots, get rid of saves entirely (maybe make some kind of combined "save / hold" statistic for fantasy baseball purposes?), get rid of outdated "blackout" restrictions, get rid of the "expanded rosters" in September, get rid of "rivalry" games in interleague play (I'd definitely keep interleague play itself because I think it's interesting, but I think we'll live if the Mets and Yankees go a year without playing each other), and... hmm... I'm sure there are a few more that aren't coming to mind at the moment.

Maybe MLB will totally listen to me once this blog becomes a worldwide sensation and all these changes are in place by 2030, when the NFL won't exist anymore and Ted Mosby's kids successfully make a plan to get Robin Scherbatsky and Barney Stinson back together.

We're all cynical about positivity

Overheard at The Fire open mic tonight (or technically speaking last night, whatever):

DANTE: Yes! Excellent, man! That's great! Yes!
UNKNOWN GUY: You're not cold?
DANTE: Not at all.
UNKNOWN GUY: The positivity's keeping you warm.
DANTE: Yeah! Yes, great observation, my friend! It's 8:10. They start at 8:30 at the open mic.
ALVARO: 8:30? I thought it started at 9.
DANTE: About 8:30 or 9. Let's just say 8:30 for the math problem. So... how many seconds until 8:30, my friend?
UNKNOWN GUY: 8:10.. 20 times 60... 1200.
DANTE: Yes! That's phenomenal!
UNKNOWN GUY: I do math for a living, so...
DANTE: That's great! See, we learn something new every day! Math teacher?
UNKNOWN GUY: Accountant.
DANTE: Ah, makes a lot of sense, yes! Excellent! Phenomenal! Tonight's gonna be a wonderful night at the open mic!
ME [sarcastically] I guess.
DANTE: Yeah! You gotta be focused on doing positive things! Bongo Billy joining us in this wonderful environment, my friend! We're talking about positive energy! We're just doing math problems! When's the last time you did a math problem, you know what I'm saying? That's excellent!
BONGO BILLY: Yeah, I'm gonna be hot tonight with my man on the drums!

[a bit later]

DANTE: But it's awesome! It gives you another opportunity, you know what I mean? You got the great jokes, so it's excellent! That's like the third joke of the night that I've heard from you so far and I've only known you for about 30 minutes.
ALVARO: It's a joke every 10 minutes.
DANTE: Yes, yes, that's excellent!
ALVARO: You haven't been around me the whole 30 minutes. So... really like 15 minutes. That's like a joke every 5.
 DANTE: Ah, yes! That's great numbers, my friend.
UNKNOWN GUY: That's your mean.
ALVARO: That's my mean. It's not my mode.
UNKNOWN GUY: Or your median.
ALVARO: My mode is hard as fuck.
UNKNOWN GUY: Always love that mode.
DANTE: Awesome! You gotta stay who you are. You must stay positive at the same time! You gotta be aware and conscious of shit that's going on around you. You know what I mean? You gotta be conscious as to the sounds that you make, the sights that you see, the smells that you smell. Because without those things, why even have it? You know what I mean? So many people who don't hear at all. So many people who don't see at all. So when we got those gifts, why not use them? You know what I'm saying?
UNKNOWN GUY: Yeah.
DANTE: I'll be back, gentlemen. Pizza's what it is. [leaves]
ALVARO: That's like the least excited I've seen him as he was going to get pizza.

[a bit later]

ALVARO: I consider myself a generally pretty positive dude. I'm like, generally in good spirits...
UNKNOWN GUY: That's why you don't feel the need to tell everyone. I think he's dealing with some serious torment. He's like, going through some turmoil.
ALVARO: There was a moment of it where he said cause you don't know how long it's gonna be left. And it was like.... whoa. Okay.
UNKNOWN GUY: He's probably dealing with some serious mental shit right now.
ALVARO: Well, he mentioned the voices in his head several times during that last interchange.
UNKNOWN GUY: He did do that.
ME: How cynical are we getting? We see a really positive guy...
ALVARO: Right! Well, there must be something wrong. He's like... come on, man! In this day and age?
UNKNOWN GUY: Right, I mean, I might have been that excited when I got my first NES. Like, that whole day I was probably that excited, but that's about it.
ALVARO: Part of me is slightly envious.
ME: All your innocence disappears in like 3rd or 4th grade.
ALVARO: No, it was like, 3rd or 4th level of Mario that I couldn't get past, and I was like, that's it! This fucking game is the worst! I hate this!
UNKNOWN GUY: Then you realize how terrible the world is. Couldn't get past that level.
ALVARO: Well, you know what happened is I couldn't get past the fucking 4th level, and then someone showed me the warp in the 2nd one, and it was like, I fucking wasted two months! How dare you show me that warp now!
UNKNOWN GUY: I'm just trying to keep my joke every 5 minutes average up.

Dante turned out to be some camera guy / rapper who gave me his card ("Simply Honest Productions, Shoot Productions Not People"... heh). "Yeah, it's gonna be a great night at The Fire open mic! I'll totally leave after my set when I play 2nd!" I wish he had stuck around to film my loop pedal insanity.

Sunday, October 9, 2016

I think everyone I care about most in life is anti-Trump (or at least I hope so) and there's nothing I could say that hasn't been already many times, so I don't feel the need to get at all stressed over it. And I don't want to get more comments on political posts than anything else combined. There, that's my stance. Now back to stupid music dork stuff. :) Man, Van Der Graaf Generator is really meandering sometimes. Has the concept of "short breather song" ever existed to them?

Saturday, October 8, 2016

I'm probably the only person on the planet who has owned Deep Blue Something's one hit wonder bargain bin album Home on both cassette and CD and is listening to it today. The cassette versions of the title track and especially "Josey" were totally superior to the CD ones and The Cure-ish opening instrumental "Gammer Gerten's Needle" blew my 16 year old mind on headphones at Borders, although "Breakfast At Tiffany's" should have closed the album rather than following that song. Now excuse me while Elijah takes me to the basement wing of the Demonland Record Exchange called The Upside Down as punishment for confessing all this. I have to wait until Gary Demon brings out the makeshift Demogorgon...
"I wonder why Lars Ulrich got writing credits on pretty much every Metallica song. Surely Kirk Hammett, Cliff Burton, Dave Mustaine, Jason Newsted or whoever had more to do with arranging and riff writing on songs where they were not credited. Was it really really impressive fighting skills? Was it his record collection? Were incriminating photos or videos involved?" The 53 year old wannabe record executive Dan the Serious Businessman pondered these questions as he chewed on his assorted Swedish Fish. 

Friday, October 7, 2016

It would have been cool if in The Wizard Of Oz movie they included the Scarecrow jumping off a cliff and the others following his lead since it's safe to land on straw
David "I Can't Pitch Against The Yankees Or In The Playoffs Worth A Crap" Price strikes again. Reminded again of how he contributed to possibly costing my Green Ship Captains team the championship. 

Thursday, October 6, 2016

Here's a Throwback Thursday to a January 7, 2010 spy machine car ride conversation snippet to Johnny Brenda's featuring Jeremy Fried and Casey Brennan, since that's where I'm going for a show tonight:
JEREMY: Oh hey, did you know I have the book of useless information, which is awesome? I love useless information. But Andrew Jackson could write in Greek with his right hand and Latin with his left hand …. all at the same time.
CASEY: Oh man. Andrew Jackson, he was nuts.
JEREMY: He used to invite people over to the White House to get hammered all the time and just have parties left and right. And he was like a real badass guy. If you ever pissed him off, he'd be like one of those guys that'd be like, “What?!? Fuck you, man!”
CASEY [laughs]: Exactly how Andrew Jackson talked.
JEREMY: Well, that's not how he talked. But that's like, the attitude he had towards people if they pissed him off.
ME: What was the 1800's equivalent of “fuck you, man?”
JEREMY: I don't know, let me think about that.
ME: I think the middle finger was invented by then.
JEREMY: Yeah.
CASEY: It was probably like, “I'll castrate you!” Oh man... I don't know... I wonder what it would be.
JEREMY: It would most likely be something along the lines of, uh, “If you want to quarrel, let's quarrel” or something like that. It would sound really really, like, polite. "Are you instigating a quarrel between us?"

Wednesday, October 5, 2016

My two year old niece Zoe had a keyboard dance party today.
My most memorable dream last night is so typical of how my dreams seem to be a totally nonsensical combination of various past and present elements of my life. I'm still living with my parents, yet I have my current car I just bought last year (with which I had another "I completely lost where I parked" misadventure) and I'm nearing the end of apparently repeating 12th grade for the second or third time because I'm not doing assignments.

Tuesday, October 4, 2016

Loop pedal jam #6,744 from Demonland Studios, only on video this time.
The magnetic pull of my bed, often with the fan right in front of me, has been intense for years. It's part of the "ever popular counterproductive Gary Demon spirit on a tortured artist effect", I guess. I don't want to think how low the percentage of time I've actually been ASLEEP in there has been over time. I'm working on it. 

Monday, October 3, 2016

On their way to the merry suburb of Black Frog City, nine green knights slit the throat of Paul the Coin Collector.
Wait, Lush was just recently at Union Transfer for a reunion show and they *opened* with "Breeze" and "De-Luxe" (the latter my intro to the band in Rock Band 2)? I could have almost left at that point if I was there. :) They must be the only band I've ever heard where everything I really really like from them was on EP's released before their first full length album (collected on the Gala compilation). I just relistened to that first full length Spooky today and most of it STILL flies straight out of my head afterwards. "Breeze", however, does not. 
One album that I would have ranked in my top 50 (or at least 75) at one point that wouldn't get anywhere near that now is Extreme's III Sides To Every Story, although it's still pretty solid and I still think the BIG EPIC 21 minute "Rise N Shine / Am I Ever Gonna Change / Who Cares" suite is totally one of the most impressive things any hair metal era band has ever done. Seek it out. Too bad the album's 76 minutes long and not, say, 46. I guess I could live without the political songs in the "yours" stretch outside of "Rest In Peace" and "Color Me Blind". 

Sunday, October 2, 2016

One of my goals is definitely to get my dating life in gear. That would be a confidence boost I guess. But I can't even begin to fathom what my soul mate would be like. As the lead singer of Paper Masques and Language Problem said to me a few weeks ago, "You'll never be normal." 
So I just did an experimental "live blog" on the progress of both my fantasy baseball teams and it turned into an intentionally OVER OVER OVER the top Asperger's Syndrome comic saga about an introvert loser where I made a total caricature of myself, although there's truth in it of course. The Green Ship Captains in my matchup league unfortunately lost the title in Golden State Warriors choking fashion, but the Demonland Introverts totally won in miraculous fashion in my points league. GO INTROVERTS!!!

3:06 pm: I'm a hideous dork. The team name is in reference to a comic strip called Overboard where the green ship pirates were enemies of the main pirate characters. I remember one strip where they were shrunk down and had their ship put in a bottle by a "silly curse" that "won't stop us, Green Ship Captain."
3:10 pm: I also called out the title "Green Ship Captain" at a Mark Prindle show when he asked for a title to go with an improvised song in 2009 and I also, coincidentally, called the title out again a few weeks later at another show when a band did the same thing with improvising a random title song (which was really supposed to be one word at a time from a few people in that exercise).
3:36 pm: Live from a bathroom stall, I see my 6 pitchers have already combined for 3 runs over 9 innings in 20-30 minutes. I guess that's indicative of the kind of zaniness taking place here.
3:54 pm: Good job, Trea Turner, for being a Fleet Footed Florence and stealing 6 bases this week. You get a sticker.
3:55 pm: Going to the rotisserie league, Demonland Introverts literally ONLY have one catcher eligible among position players since my front office apparently hasn't gotten the hang of the whole "maximum game limit" thing yet.
3:57 pm: At least the Green Ship Captains have jumped ahead in strikeouts, their specialty this entire season. I haven't lost ONCE all season in that category. 20-0-1.
4:03 pm: I think the Green Ship guys have stolen bases (10 to 4), batting average (.266 to .218), saves (5 to 1) and strikeouts (78 to 69) locked up here. Now they just have to come back in a couple other categories. Home runs (8 to 2) will not be one of them.
4:07 pm: I hate the freaking annoying Cardinals, but yay Stephen Piscotty for getting a hit! Now SCORE so my deficit in runs can get to 28-26.
4:07 pm: Or not.
4:12 pm: Every time I hear Harry Kalas' voice on highlights I realize how much I miss that guy.
4:16 pm: I'm ambivalent towards the Indians. Yay Jose Ramirez for getting a hit. Now SCORE so my deficit in runs can get to 28-26.
4:18 pm: "Solar! Power! Every! Hour!" will now be in my head for a few more minutes.
4:20 pm: BOO TO TYLER NAQUIN FOR NOT KNOCKING IN JOSE RAMIREZ. Your name makes me feel drowsy.
4:22 pm: Well, Kenta Maeda is now on the bench. That's 1 out of my 6 pitchers today done. 5 runs to another freaking annoying team the Giants.... ughhh....
4:26 pm: Hooooome run Jonathan Lucroy! 28-26 WHOOOOO!
4:27 pm: I probably should look up the rules right now whether a 5-5 tie would give me a matchup win just because I'm the higher seed and I'm awesome.
4:30 pm: Yup, higher seed wins. Oh crap, Jerad Eickhoff aka the 2016 version of Cole "I Get No Run Support" Hamels gave up a run. :(
4:31 pm: DAMN IT... Yasmani Grandal getting an RBI while on my bench.... slippin rippin dang fang rotten zarg a barg a ding dong.
4:36 pm: That's at least 4 lost RBI's since Brandon Belt had a homer and 3 RBI's on my bench Friday night.... oh YAY Brandon Belt! You got a hit! Now SCORE to get my deficit to 28-27.
4:37 pm: Jonathan Lucroy on the bench? Nooooo....
4:37 pm: Ooh, Eugenio Suarez on 2nd! Score! Score! Score!
4:37 pm: T BETTER NOT COME DOWN TO BRANDON BELT'S LOST RBIS OR I WILL KILL....
4:38 pm: Oh wait, Eugenio Suarez isn't on 2nd no more.... :(
4:40 pm: Losing 4.40 to 5.12 in ERA and 1.41 to 1.54 n WHIP. Probably not a likely comeback there....
4:42 pm: Brandon Belt forced at second.... ahhhhh panic attack!
4:44 pm: Ughhh.... Jared Eickhoff and Felix Hernandez both on the bench. There's 3 of my 6 pitchers done, as well as my shot in getting a category win in wins. Blarrrggghh.....
4:46 pm: Yay, Trea Turner on first again!
4:47 pm: Ugh, The Long Ball's team hasn't even SCORED in who knows how long. It's like they're TAUNTING me with the comeback possibility.
4:49 pm: I will in all likelihood never meet this guy Jeff, who owns The Long Ball's team, in my life, but if I do I'll totally say his team was not that good to his face
4:50 pm: Or I could just post it on the message board, whatever.
4:51 pm: It's like... dude, you finished the regular season 17 games behind me. It's not faaaaair. :( :( :(
4:52 pm: Aaaand the "batting champion" Jose Altuve is 0 for 3 today. Stop acting like you're my height at 5'6".
4:55 pm: And now David "I Can't Pitch Well Against The Yankees For Shit" Price is on the bench. No win for him either. My hope with getting help from the pitchers is dwindling here.
5:00 pm: I just became the first person to react with "sad" to one of my posts. I just realized today no one has used the sad, angry or haha icons on my posts before. You guys all suck! ;)
5:02 pm: I've been totally forgetting that football is on most of today while this is going. Yay for the Patriots getting shut out!
5:05 pm: SHIT. Kole Calhoun knocked in two runs! I had him last week and when I dropped him The Long Ball picked him up! Down 30-24 in RBI's. :( IT BETTER NOT COME DOWN TO THAT EITHER.
5:06 pm: At least he got pinch run for so he won't score, but crap... Adonis Garcia is on 3rd! Don't score! Don't score!
5:09 pm: I'm not sure if "live blogging" like this counts as a "towards move" or an "away move" for my therapy.
5:09 pm: Must pee before Brandon Belt and Mike Napoli hit again.
5:12 pm: Thank you for not scoring, Adonis Garcia. I mean, I'm sure you have with some girl before, considering you're an MLB player.
5:12 pm: Jose Ramirez and Eugenio Suarez also coming on deck again. Tension....
5:13 pm: Mike Napoli on first! Aww, crap... there's two outs...
5:20 pm: NO wins for my starting pitchers in what, 12 combined games is just downright pathetic. Of course, the stupid rain delay in Jerad Eickhoff's game where he had to come out with a 6-1 lead and only 1 hit given up, and that game where the Cardinals bullpen blew it for Alex Reyes in the 9th on an error and a dinky freaking squibby infield single, didn't help.
5:21 pm: Julio Teheran and Kevin Gausman could still get wins, but nothing matters anymore. Like with what Harry Kalas said at that Brad Lidge gives up a home run to Craig Biggio game I was at in 2005 I was at, "All the runs are unearned, but who cares?"
5:21 pm: Predictably, Jose Ramirez, Eugenio Suarez and Brandon Belt have failed me again. You've all failed me.
5:25 pm: Checking in on my rotisserie league.... HOLY SHIT DEMONLAND INTROVERTS ARE ONLY A HALF POINT OUT OF FIRST. I might still have a chance to not finish in lame 2nd place in that league.
5:28 pm: Wait a second.... since I also have Julio Teheran and Kevin Gausman on my Demonland Introverts team as well, and they could still get wins along with Josh Tomlin, I could get in first in that league!!!! REJOOOOOOOOOOICE as Bono yelled on the U2 track from 1981. No, not the one that was actually called "Rejoice". The one near the end of October. "Is That All?" I think.
5:30 pm: Since WHIP (walks + hits / innings pitched) isn't calculated on Stattracker and it just says I'm tied in that category there, I may not know if I won that tiebreaker for sure until tomorrow morning. Yay, more tension!
5:31 pm: My gut feeling is that I'm still behind to MattC's Team in that category, though.
5:33 pm: Back to Green Ship Captains' matchup. Oh crap, Chris Carter scored. Another Long Ball last minute waiver pickup. Figures.
5:34 pm: I should probably switch to Indians / Royals since it's the 9th inning there and Josh Tomlin could still get a win. I will be in love with whoever is closing for the Indians.
5:35 pm: Uh oh, the guy who might blow it (Cody Allen) and not the more automatic Andrew Miller.
5:37 pm: "I may have to change this "sad" on my status," said my manic OCD brain.
5:40 pm: I need those 3 guys to get wins to jump ahead of Eric's Team in wins, 74-73 and two to tie. Aww crap, he's got Matt Moore who has a 5-1 lead starting for the Giants.
5:41 pm: Kevin Gausman wins! One down, two to go.
5:41 pm: Double play! Julio Teheran's 1-0 8th inning lead is preserved!
5:44 pm: It tells you something about how few people pay attention to their teams at this point that the tragically dead Jose Fernandez is 78% owned. Why am I treating these fantasy baseball matchup success stories like it's some great accomplishment again?
5:44 pm: Yay Indians win! Josh Tomlin gets a win!
5:44 pm: Time to become a Braves fan for a few minutes and root on Julio Teheran.
5:48 pm: Back to the saga of Green Ship Captains, Jose Altuve, Troy Tulowitzki and Stephen Piscotty all on 1st!
5:50 pm: 9th inning in the Braves game. JIM JOHNSON BETTER NOT BLOW THIS SAVE. He's been in the category of 'why the hell is he closing for a major league team??!?!' at some points in his career.
5:51 pm: It's not likely Matt Moore's 5-1 Giants lead will be blown, so I'll have to settle with a tie in wins with Eric's Team over at the Demonland Introverts league.
5:54 pm: One out in the 9th in Atlanta! The Compy's going slowwww now.
5:54 pm: Stephen Piscotty on 3rd but the Green Ship Captains are running out of time. :(
5:55 pm: Score for Stephen Piscotty! 29-27!
5:57 pm: I may have to rely on the Introverts here for a championship. Who knew. Two outs in the 9th for the Braves!
5:59 pm: "The Tigers are staring at the abyss in Atlanta," said the Braves announcer as the "Tomahawk Chop" played in the background, one of the most annoying things in existence to be in F minor.
6:01 pm: JULIO TEHERAN WINS!!! I LOVE THE BRAVES!!! For about two seconds, anyway. :)
6:06 pm: But OF COURSE in my matchup league Green Ship Captains lose in wins 5-3 and those Jerad Eickhoff and Alex Reyes debacles make a difference.
6:07 pm: Maybe Tyler Thornburg can blow a save for the Brewers so his team can win it in the 10th, giving him a cheap vulture win for the Introverts. Come on, Rockies! Tie it!
6:09 pm: Mark Melancon could theoretically do the same thing for the Nationals against the Marlins with an 8-7 lead. Come on, you guys can totally fail!
6:11 pm: Rockies tie it! That runner on third better not score though.
6:13 pm: Going to the 10th in the Rockies / Brewers game!
6:15 pm: I should eat bagels right now but I cannot turn away while things are happening. I guess that's an "away move". Sorry, Charlene. :(
6:17 pm: Green Ship Captains on life support here. At least I get a neat little 2nd place trophy so that's something, right?
6:17 pm: They totally can't take that away from my Yahoo Sports profile.
6:23 pm: RBI for Trea Turner so I'm down 30-27 there. But that means IT WOULD COME DOWN TO BRANDON BELT ON THE BENCH if that holds.
6:23 pm: Two run home run for the Brewers!!!! Please hold on for Tyler Thornburg's vulture win!!!! Go Demonland Introverts!!!!
6:27 pm: Of course, this lead isn't safe at Coors Field.
6:29 pm: Two more outs to get!!!!!
6:31 pm: One more! Of course, Charlie Blackmon is up for the Rockies. I remember he hit like 12 home runs in a series against the Phillies. Or something.
6:34 pm: BREWERS WIN!!!!! Thank you for sucking, Tyler Thornburg!
6:35 pm: Holy crap, the Introverts are this close to winning it all!
6:37 pm: Wins on blown saves for Tyler Thornburg two freaking games in a row. Unbelievable. I guess when it's all said and done he might be a "thorn" in the side of knuckleballs16k, the first place team that was ahead of me. Sorry. :)
6:40 pm: Just gotta wait for these final two games to be over before I'm sure the Introverts win.
6:43 pm: Now the Green Ship Captains are officially a mere mortal heavily disappointing Golden State Warriors / Carolina Panthers-esque 2nd place team, but I don't care anymore. INTROVERTS INTROVERTS INTROVERTS!!!!!
6:45 pm: One more game left on the schedule. Rays / Rangers. It probably won't mean anything, but again, have to be sure.
6:46 pm: Come on, Texas. Win it already so I'm 110% sure this game has no impact.
6:47 pm: Rougned Odor could potentially still pinch hit and score for polark kid's team, who's tied with me in runs, but that's it maybe.
6:50 pm: Wow, the Introverts jumped ahead of oil's team for the lead in strikeouts in the league by 1! Julio Teheran helped with 12 of those! I don't hate the Braves for one day!
6:52 pm: I just changed my "sad" to a "wow". No one's given me a "wow" either. I have no friends.
6:53 pm: I guess I can eat now since this is essentially like having a 20 point lead with a minute left in a basketball game.
6:56 pm: Gotta piss again and wear the hat and do the dance for a small victory.

A lot more activity may be coming from my Physical Illusion page soon. I want to change my band name to something else since a Ukrainian electronic artist with an ironic ponytail haircut is also using the name, but I haven't been able to think of anything better. I want it to be a "rebirth" too, but not like that terrible Angra album of faceless prog / power metal named Rebirth.
Michael Stipe's current goal in life is apparently to look like the sort of 80 year old man he sang about in "Try Not To Breathe" with that beard.

Saturday, October 1, 2016

You know what I think is an underrated / overlooked album? The first EP Arcade Fire did before Funeral. You know what's also underrated? Reflektor. I'll probably be relistening to it again confused why people prefer The Suburbs to it.